2 versions of Let Go

Most precious thing in life means something you treasure a lot. It is something that you are given and you want to hold on to it. However, if you cannot let go of them, these will become the roadblocks in your life to God. For example, if you hold on to your work too much, you may become a workaholic and forget about the time and space for God to enter into your life.

When I was a kid, I treasure all the new stationary that people have given me. New pencils, erasers, notebook, rulers, pencil box: I have been keeping all these nicely and safely in my little treasure box at the head of my bed. I did not want to use any of those since they were so new! I have another treasure bag of old coins from the Ching dynasty. Slowly, I developed the habit of collecting things, ranging from calendar cards, to lyric sheets. I was so mad once when my collection of lyrics sheets were dissembled for the creation of a class song book!

As I grow older, I treasure my collection of songs a lot more. I have been keeping all the cassette tapes and CDs. I got a lot of CDs when I first moved over to US. Later, I shipped all my favorite cassette tapes all across the Pacific Ocean. When mp3 appeared, I started keeping all those like crazy.

I guess the most precious things in my life are my family, my wisdom and my voice. I know one day, these things will be gone from me, since they are all gifts from God. Regardless how good you are prepared for them to be gone, as a human being, I still cannot control myself from feeling sad and wanting to hold on to them.

This boils down to the question if you can let go if you are asked to. I guess this is one type of let go.

Another type of let go is to give up what you want, but welcome what God has for you. A lot of times, I have a desire or hope or wish for something. And a lot of times, that something will not happen. I guess reactively, you have no choice but let go. Some people could be angry about the fact that they can't get what they want, or just feel frustrated about life. The ability to welcome and appreciate whatever is for them require some effort.

I used to think that having hope is bad, since you can get disappointed if your wish does not come true. So, it may just be better to have no wish or no hope. This way, you can keep a normal heart and avoid the fluctuation in emotion.

Recently, I have changed my perspective around this. When you have hope, you have the motivation to live on and look forward for tomorrow. In the course of hoping your wish to come true, you may be led to and discover new opportunities and new meanings which could change your life. Your original wish or hope may be in vain, but you will be given things to increase your wisdom. The key is: if you can let go of your desire, and appreciate what God has for you.

Life could be miserable if you always drill on stuff that you want and you keep on not getting that. Life is full of hope if you embrace the outcomes of your wish and lead a better life out of it. The latter, of course, requires a lot of grace from God, and it's abundant for you if you dare to take them!

So, stop complaining whatever you cannot get. There are tons of things given to you and it's your choice to embrace them or not.

流星雨

Every time I watched Meteor Shower, I always wondered what I was going to see. After the 1st time, I knew that it's going to be nothing like a shower, but you see meteors more often than a regular night. Yet, you need to be patient.

During my watch last night, I could not see anything at the beginning. I was pondering if I got to a wrong place or was the Shower not big enough. This same thought drilled in me until I saw the 1st one! So big and bright. I know that it's real, and I was watching something. However, you will need to patiently wait for the next one to come. You are not guaranteed to see every one of them. You may hear people shouting that they see something and you miss it, or you may catch a glimpse of one that others do not. I was delighted to see 4 big ones in a hour.

After seeing one, I always asked myself: when will I see it again. It could be the next second or minute, or it may be the last one for the night. You will never know. By the time you see the next one, you know that it's not yet over.

Life is also like watching a meteor shower. When you miss / see one meteor, are you going to wait for the next one, or are you going to give up and leave? The time when you see one more, you know that you still have hope to see one more! Never give up too soon!

Have I just Slept for a Night?!

I can't believe the number of dreams I had last night, that I felt I have slept for a long time in order to be able to make so many dreams that I can recall!! This means I slept quite poorly last night as well.

Dream 1: I saw my friends on the street, but they did not invite me. One of them like planes a lot, and it turned out that they gathered together to watch the Blue Angel! I looked up the sky and it was a gray sky with flights flying to show patterns. First one with one plane, then followed by 2. Then, suddenly, I saw smoke in one of the buildings, and then flame! Seems like one of the planes crashed into the building (o no). Suddenly, there's a layer of heat and flame wave that goes through the entire area and people start fleeing... (end of 1st dream)

Dream 2: I was in a space that starts tiling. It seems to be inside a ferry / boat, which starts tilting towards one side. The ground was white in color. In order to balance, everyone tried to lean backwards in order not to fall. I even tried suggesting to a lady next to me what should she do to balance herself. The tilting kept on and finally, none of us could hold on to the ground. The ship also tilted and started sinking! I recall me swimming to the edge of the boat to look for live jackets. There were stored inside the wall of the ship that I need to tear down the wall boundary before I could take those out... (end of 2nd dream)

Dream 3: Me and my friends were having fun inside a house, and suddenly, the house owner came back, who is also my friends who are married already with kid. However, in the dream, the wife just had a miscarriage that her 2nd baby went dead before being born. She was really depressed that she acted a bit abnormal. Finally, the family went to their bed together, though the wife was still behaving quite depressed and a bit crazy (though in real life, the baby was born healthily). Although we tried to comfort her, we ended up leaving at the end... (end of 3rd dream)

Dream 4: I ran into a fire that I need to put on protection suit (including a helmet). It was orange in color. I forgot in the middle what happened. However, I finally escaped and arrived at a place where I saw my college students friends. There were so interested in the suit I have. They even took my helmet and took a picture of it! (end of 4th dream)

You can see that none of these dreams seem to be good nor happy, though I did not wake up because of the dream though. However, I'm pretty sure that I slept quite poorly. Maybe I was too angry yesterday that devil spirits still stir in me while I slept.

I guess I need to stay calm and hope to have a better night tonite.

Let There Be Peace on Earth

There are too many conflicts in the world these days...

One of the hosts of CNN made a bad comment about Chinese. A SF official also said some bad things about Chinese. Why do people want to attack each others all the time? I know that Tibet issue is a controversial one. It's so hard to judge the right or wrong. I doubt that saying negative things about the government will help. In fact, the news report this morning was pretty negative too, and it's so easy to cause anger in the audience. Not to say the argument at work yesterday, when people protesting about the dessert name of "free Tibet".

This is really like a vicious cycle: an eye for an eye will never come to an end.

People will argue that we live in a country where you have freedom of speech and people can have different opinions on things. However, is it the appropriate use of this freedom by saying negative things that promote hatred?

I have been asking myself, as a Christian, how should I apply my faith in this world of conflict. I was told that I should give out my other side if someone struck me on one side. I was also told that we should voice out about unfairness in the world, protecting social justice.

I think God loves everyone, including Chinese people, US people, Tibet people, and all other people. I'm sure He does not want these people to be against each other. While it's right to speak up if my country is under unfair judgment (if that's the case), it's even more important to do it in a peaceful way that does not induce other hatred.

May God grant us wisdom when we want to voice our opinion, such that it's expressed in a constructive way to help building a better world!

I want to be 大俠

I have never watched this TV. However, I am always so fascinate by the theme song:

湖海洗我胸襟　河山飄我影蹤
雲彩揮去卻不去　贏得一身清風

塵沾不上心間　情牽不到此心中
來得安去也寫意　人生休說苦痛

聚散匆匆莫牽掛　未記風波中英雄勇
就讓浮名輕拋劍外　千山我獨行
不必相送　啊　獨行不必相送

Why? Maybe I wanted to be like this, though in real life, I know that I can never be.

Isn't it cool if you can be 來去自如, 不為世間事而煩惱?
Unfortunately, I can't be this 潇灑. I'm just a normal person, who cares so many things in the world.

Can I train myself to be really "don't care" one day?

Do we really "Talk"?

Are we communicating? Or we are not communicating at all?
There are so many means of communication, but how come there are still all sorts of confusion and mis-communication? Are we communicating too much or too little?

In the old days, people only have letters, and that's the most precious thing in the world. People can collect letters throughout the years as a show of how precious one treasures the relationship.

Sometime ago, we have just home phone, and we are all calling each others to chat at home. Expecting a call from someone is a nice thing since it's precious.

With the information boom, we have suddenly many ways of communicating: cell phone, email, messengers, SMS, blog, and now even community based sites. However, since we are so distracted from our communication with all these means, people are hiding away from some means and causing the breakdown of communication.

However, one thing is sure: regardless how many ways you can communicate with others, those are just channels. If one does not want to open up, you still cannot communicate.

I don't know why people like doing blog now (though I'm doing it as I typed). Initially, I treat this as a way of mass emailing people for my sharing. However, the fact is you don't really inform people as you write. So, you are virtually writing to no one. Whoever are interested in your life may check your blog out, from time to time.

As I read others's blogs, I suddenly got the feeling of peeping into others' diary. In a sense, blog is a public diary. However, why would one check out blog of others. Are you interested in just that persons' life? Or are you trying to dig out clue if someone has some special things going on? Or you wanna dig out someone's secret? Or...

Afterall, blog is really just a one-way communicaiton, even with the comment feature. I still value personal chat, which you have interaction in real-time. However, a lot of times, we are limited by environment that we can't really chat freely.

從何時開始 我慾言仍不語

In fact, I think quite a lot of times, I am like this. There are many things in my mind that I would like to share with someone, just that due to time and location constraint, or other constraints, all the words are kept to myself.

I guess the only one who knows all I have in my is Jesus, since he knows even before we speak. No wonder You are always my best friend. You know my thoughts, my weakness and my need.

Please guide me and hear my prayer.

滄海遺珠

This is such a good song! Though the prime time may have passed, I still have the belief that I will be discovered!

大眾也喜歡珠光寶氣　沒有空完全明白你的美
只得我望見你　關起了心扉　猶如合上貝殼的傳奇
若世間疏忽從未細味　讓那些蠢人庸人嫌棄你
切莫讓人影響了你　信仰你的真理

如滄海深處埋藏著遺珠　　其實你好處個個也不知　
唯獨我先可以　明白上帝構思　於沙礫裡找到璀璨珍珠　
人家冤枉你平凡悶孩子　　但是你心思我不信　
無聊沒意思　沒有人識得欣賞　但天知　誰可以

大概這種非一般的美　慧眼太少旁人未賞識你
因此你極客氣　差點算謙卑　從來沒對愛有所預期
若世間疏忽從未細味　讓那些蠢人庸人忘記你
要是別人都不愛你　有我這邊等你

如滄海深處埋藏著遺珠　　其實你好處個個也不知　
唯獨我先可以　明白上帝構思　於沙礫裡找到璀璨珍珠　
人家冤枉你平凡悶孩子　　但是你心思我不信　
無聊沒意思　沒有人識得欣賞　但天知　誰可以

你是誰你是誰　可有地方發亮
旁人忙著誇獎色相
沒有空管你的修養　惟獨我留下拍掌

如滄海深處埋藏著遺珠　其實你好處個個也不知
唯獨我先可以　明白上帝構思 於沙礫裡找到璀璨珍珠
人家冤枉你平凡悶孩子　但是你心思我不信　
無聊沒意思　就算誰都不欣賞　但偏偏　我可以

Just do it?!

Do you still recall the slogan "Just do it"?

It's been a long time since it was used. However, I guess this is always a good reminder, especially for a person like me who like to analyze so much before taking action.

For a few weeks in a row, I have been asking myself on a Sunday: What am I doing here? Am I spending my time right? Why are you doing all these? Shouldn't you be somewhere else doing something else?

Finally, I sat down, and wrote down all the major questions I have tonight after shower, which are no new stuff: How should my life be? Where should I stay for good? Should I buy a house?

These questions are triggered whenever I saw someone else has achieved a milestone in their life, such as graduation, getting married, etc. Today, I have 3 friends graduating. While I'm happy for them getting their hard work recognized, I started to count back in time. When did they start their study? What have I done during these years? It's always a scary feeling to see everyone else advancing while I'm still not moving. It's true that each one of us has our own path and there's no absolute right / wrong path one should go through. Still...

As time goes, I'm even more confused about this. Have I been moving in the right path? Have I been spending my time right for what I have been doing.

A friend told me: if you are happy for what you are doing, you are doing it right. Another friend told me: why are you thinking so much? Just do it! Take action!

I need wisdom. I need guidance.