Shall we Talk?
We had our annual Lent retreat yesterday, and the topic was "Christians, what have you done to me?". During a breakout session, we were handed a case study on the topic of "what are you willing to do for your parents who are aging and ill"?
From the sharing, I was surprised to find out the varying level of "urges" to do something for one's parents. To my even greater surprise, the first answer came out was about money and care takers.
There are different reasons for one not able to take care of parents. When you start having your own family, the priority for your original family may be lower. Maybe you need to take care of your kids and hence you will not have time to take care of your parents. To me, I have not experienced either of these yet. However, I still have a strong belief that: one can jiggle well with your own and your original families, if you are willing to.
A strong will can make you to anything - I always say.
I guess the main question comes down to whether you are willing or not, but not much as whether you are able or not. I can see a lot of obstacles to block your will do come from the relationship that you have with your parents. If you think that treating your parents well is just an obligation, there's only so much you can do to keep this relationship.
The key question comes down now to how can we build a good relationship with our parents. A relationship is a 2-way effort, and it can't be established with one side. One may argue that the relationship with parents is shaped largely by parents since they could take a more active role when you were young. I think this holds true to a certain extent. Of course, if you were abused, or had very bad experience with your parents, it will take a long time to heal and recover, and to forgive. Otherwise, we can't deny our role in keeping a good relationship with our parents.
There are so many books to teach new parents to be good parents, maybe we should have some books to teach existing children to be good children. We can share stories with our friends easily, and why can't we share those with our parents as well?
Break the ice - we can all take the initiative. Try to share our life with our parents, and I'm sure they are interested in learning. Accept the way they respond. It's hard for them to change. Even they say something you do not enjoy listening, still listen. Be patient.
Come to think about it, there are already quite some good resources out there to remind us:
http://parentswish.com/site01/big.html
......
明月光 為何未照地堂
孩兒在公司很忙 不需喝湯
SHALL WE TALK 斜陽白趕一趟
沉默令我聽得見葉兒聲聲降
......
日夜做 見爸爸 剛好想呻
卻霎眼 看出他 多了皺紋
而他的蒼老感 是從來未覺 太內疚擔心
最心痛是 愛得太遲 有些心意 不可等某個日子
盲目地發奮 忙忙忙其實自私 夢中也習慣 有壓力要我得志最
可怕是 愛需要及時 只差一秒 心聲都已變歷史
忙極亦放肆 見我愛見的相知
要抱要吻要怎麼也好 偏要推說等下一次
Act, before it's too late!
From the sharing, I was surprised to find out the varying level of "urges" to do something for one's parents. To my even greater surprise, the first answer came out was about money and care takers.
There are different reasons for one not able to take care of parents. When you start having your own family, the priority for your original family may be lower. Maybe you need to take care of your kids and hence you will not have time to take care of your parents. To me, I have not experienced either of these yet. However, I still have a strong belief that: one can jiggle well with your own and your original families, if you are willing to.
A strong will can make you to anything - I always say.
I guess the main question comes down to whether you are willing or not, but not much as whether you are able or not. I can see a lot of obstacles to block your will do come from the relationship that you have with your parents. If you think that treating your parents well is just an obligation, there's only so much you can do to keep this relationship.
The key question comes down now to how can we build a good relationship with our parents. A relationship is a 2-way effort, and it can't be established with one side. One may argue that the relationship with parents is shaped largely by parents since they could take a more active role when you were young. I think this holds true to a certain extent. Of course, if you were abused, or had very bad experience with your parents, it will take a long time to heal and recover, and to forgive. Otherwise, we can't deny our role in keeping a good relationship with our parents.
There are so many books to teach new parents to be good parents, maybe we should have some books to teach existing children to be good children. We can share stories with our friends easily, and why can't we share those with our parents as well?
Break the ice - we can all take the initiative. Try to share our life with our parents, and I'm sure they are interested in learning. Accept the way they respond. It's hard for them to change. Even they say something you do not enjoy listening, still listen. Be patient.
Come to think about it, there are already quite some good resources out there to remind us:
http://parentswish.com/site01/big.html
......
明月光 為何未照地堂
孩兒在公司很忙 不需喝湯
SHALL WE TALK 斜陽白趕一趟
沉默令我聽得見葉兒聲聲降
......
日夜做 見爸爸 剛好想呻
卻霎眼 看出他 多了皺紋
而他的蒼老感 是從來未覺 太內疚擔心
最心痛是 愛得太遲 有些心意 不可等某個日子
盲目地發奮 忙忙忙其實自私 夢中也習慣 有壓力要我得志最
可怕是 愛需要及時 只差一秒 心聲都已變歷史
忙極亦放肆 見我愛見的相知
要抱要吻要怎麼也好 偏要推說等下一次
Act, before it's too late!
posted by M @ 10:38 AM
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