Mug's Station

2 versions of Let Go

2009-10-08T23:25:00.000-07:00

Most precious thing in life means something you treasure a lot. It is something that you are given and you want to hold on to it. However, if you cannot let go of them, these will become the roadblocks in your life to God. For example, if you hold on to your work too much, you may become a workaholic and forget about the time and space for God to enter into your life.

When I was a kid, I treasure all the new stationary that people have given me. New pencils, erasers, notebook, rulers, pencil box: I have been keeping all these nicely and safely in my little treasure box at the head of my bed. I did not want to use any of those since they were so new! I have another treasure bag of old coins from the Ching dynasty. Slowly, I developed the habit of collecting things, ranging from calendar cards, to lyric sheets. I was so mad once when my collection of lyrics sheets were dissembled for the creation of a class song book!

As I grow older, I treasure my collection of songs a lot more. I have been keeping all the cassette tapes and CDs. I got a lot of CDs when I first moved over to US. Later, I shipped all my favorite cassette tapes all across the Pacific Ocean. When mp3 appeared, I started keeping all those like crazy.

I guess the most precious things in my life are my family, my wisdom and my voice. I know one day, these things will be gone from me, since they are all gifts from God. Regardless how good you are prepared for them to be gone, as a human being, I still cannot control myself from feeling sad and wanting to hold on to them.

This boils down to the question if you can let go if you are asked to. I guess this is one type of let go.

Another type of let go is to give up what you want, but welcome what God has for you. A lot of times, I have a desire or hope or wish for something. And a lot of times, that something will not happen. I guess reactively, you have no choice but let go. Some people could be angry about the fact that they can't get what they want, or just feel frustrated about life. The ability to welcome and appreciate whatever is for them require some effort.

I used to think that having hope is bad, since you can get disappointed if your wish does not come true. So, it may just be better to have no wish or no hope. This way, you can keep a normal heart and avoid the fluctuation in emotion.

Recently, I have changed my perspective around this. When you have hope, you have the motivation to live on and look forward for tomorrow. In the course of hoping your wish to come true, you may be led to and discover new opportunities and new meanings which could change your life. Your original wish or hope may be in vain, but you will be given things to increase your wisdom. The key is: if you can let go of your desire, and appreciate what God has for you.

Life could be miserable if you always drill on stuff that you want and you keep on not getting that. Life is full of hope if you embrace the outcomes of your wish and lead a better life out of it. The latter, of course, requires a lot of grace from God, and it's abundant for you if you dare to take them!

So, stop complaining whatever you cannot get. There are tons of things given to you and it's your choice to embrace them or not.

流星雨

2009-08-12T23:12:00.000-07:00

Every time I watched Meteor Shower, I always wondered what I was going to see. After the 1st time, I knew that it's going to be nothing like a shower, but you see meteors more often than a regular night. Yet, you need to be patient.

During my watch last night, I could not see anything at the beginning. I was pondering if I got to a wrong place or was the Shower not big enough. This same thought drilled in me until I saw the 1st one! So big and bright. I know that it's real, and I was watching something. However, you will need to patiently wait for the next one to come. You are not guaranteed to see every one of them. You may hear people shouting that they see something and you miss it, or you may catch a glimpse of one that others do not. I was delighted to see 4 big ones in a hour.

After seeing one, I always asked myself: when will I see it again. It could be the next second or minute, or it may be the last one for the night. You will never know. By the time you see the next one, you know that it's not yet over.

Life is also like watching a meteor shower. When you miss / see one meteor, are you going to wait for the next one, or are you going to give up and leave? The time when you see one more, you know that you still have hope to see one more! Never give up too soon!

Have I just Slept for a Night?!

2009-03-03T21:51:00.000-08:00

I can't believe the number of dreams I had last night, that I felt I have slept for a long time in order to be able to make so many dreams that I can recall!! This means I slept quite poorly last night as well.

Dream 1: I saw my friends on the street, but they did not invite me. One of them like planes a lot, and it turned out that they gathered together to watch the Blue Angel! I looked up the sky and it was a gray sky with flights flying to show patterns. First one with one plane, then followed by 2. Then, suddenly, I saw smoke in one of the buildings, and then flame! Seems like one of the planes crashed into the building (o no). Suddenly, there's a layer of heat and flame wave that goes through the entire area and people start fleeing... (end of 1st dream)

Dream 2: I was in a space that starts tiling. It seems to be inside a ferry / boat, which starts tilting towards one side. The ground was white in color. In order to balance, everyone tried to lean backwards in order not to fall. I even tried suggesting to a lady next to me what should she do to balance herself. The tilting kept on and finally, none of us could hold on to the ground. The ship also tilted and started sinking! I recall me swimming to the edge of the boat to look for live jackets. There were stored inside the wall of the ship that I need to tear down the wall boundary before I could take those out... (end of 2nd dream)

Dream 3: Me and my friends were having fun inside a house, and suddenly, the house owner came back, who is also my friends who are married already with kid. However, in the dream, the wife just had a miscarriage that her 2nd baby went dead before being born. She was really depressed that she acted a bit abnormal. Finally, the family went to their bed together, though the wife was still behaving quite depressed and a bit crazy (though in real life, the baby was born healthily). Although we tried to comfort her, we ended up leaving at the end... (end of 3rd dream)

Dream 4: I ran into a fire that I need to put on protection suit (including a helmet). It was orange in color. I forgot in the middle what happened. However, I finally escaped and arrived at a place where I saw my college students friends. There were so interested in the suit I have. They even took my helmet and took a picture of it! (end of 4th dream)

You can see that none of these dreams seem to be good nor happy, though I did not wake up because of the dream though. However, I'm pretty sure that I slept quite poorly. Maybe I was too angry yesterday that devil spirits still stir in me while I slept.

I guess I need to stay calm and hope to have a better night tonite.

Let There Be Peace on Earth

2008-04-12T01:09:00.000-07:00

There are too many conflicts in the world these days...

One of the hosts of CNN made a bad comment about Chinese. A SF official also said some bad things about Chinese. Why do people want to attack each others all the time? I know that Tibet issue is a controversial one. It's so hard to judge the right or wrong. I doubt that saying negative things about the government will help. In fact, the news report this morning was pretty negative too, and it's so easy to cause anger in the audience. Not to say the argument at work yesterday, when people protesting about the dessert name of "free Tibet".

This is really like a vicious cycle: an eye for an eye will never come to an end.

People will argue that we live in a country where you have freedom of speech and people can have different opinions on things. However, is it the appropriate use of this freedom by saying negative things that promote hatred?

I have been asking myself, as a Christian, how should I apply my faith in this world of conflict. I was told that I should give out my other side if someone struck me on one side. I was also told that we should voice out about unfairness in the world, protecting social justice.

I think God loves everyone, including Chinese people, US people, Tibet people, and all other people. I'm sure He does not want these people to be against each other. While it's right to speak up if my country is under unfair judgment (if that's the case), it's even more important to do it in a peaceful way that does not induce other hatred.

May God grant us wisdom when we want to voice our opinion, such that it's expressed in a constructive way to help building a better world!

I want to be 大俠

2007-06-22T00:32:00.000-07:00

I have never watched this TV. However, I am always so fascinate by the theme song:

湖海洗我胸襟　河山飄我影蹤
雲彩揮去卻不去　贏得一身清風

塵沾不上心間　情牽不到此心中
來得安去也寫意　人生休說苦痛

聚散匆匆莫牽掛　未記風波中英雄勇
就讓浮名輕拋劍外　千山我獨行
不必相送　啊　獨行不必相送

Why? Maybe I wanted to be like this, though in real life, I know that I can never be.

Isn't it cool if you can be 來去自如, 不為世間事而煩惱?
Unfortunately, I can't be this 潇灑. I'm just a normal person, who cares so many things in the world.

Can I train myself to be really "don't care" one day?

Do we really "Talk"?

2007-06-19T23:31:00.000-07:00

Are we communicating? Or we are not communicating at all?
There are so many means of communication, but how come there are still all sorts of confusion and mis-communication? Are we communicating too much or too little?

In the old days, people only have letters, and that's the most precious thing in the world. People can collect letters throughout the years as a show of how precious one treasures the relationship.

Sometime ago, we have just home phone, and we are all calling each others to chat at home. Expecting a call from someone is a nice thing since it's precious.

With the information boom, we have suddenly many ways of communicating: cell phone, email, messengers, SMS, blog, and now even community based sites. However, since we are so distracted from our communication with all these means, people are hiding away from some means and causing the breakdown of communication.

However, one thing is sure: regardless how many ways you can communicate with others, those are just channels. If one does not want to open up, you still cannot communicate.

I don't know why people like doing blog now (though I'm doing it as I typed). Initially, I treat this as a way of mass emailing people for my sharing. However, the fact is you don't really inform people as you write. So, you are virtually writing to no one. Whoever are interested in your life may check your blog out, from time to time.

As I read others's blogs, I suddenly got the feeling of peeping into others' diary. In a sense, blog is a public diary. However, why would one check out blog of others. Are you interested in just that persons' life? Or are you trying to dig out clue if someone has some special things going on? Or you wanna dig out someone's secret? Or...

Afterall, blog is really just a one-way communicaiton, even with the comment feature. I still value personal chat, which you have interaction in real-time. However, a lot of times, we are limited by environment that we can't really chat freely.

從何時開始我慾言仍不語

In fact, I think quite a lot of times, I am like this. There are many things in my mind that I would like to share with someone, just that due to time and location constraint, or other constraints, all the words are kept to myself.

I guess the only one who knows all I have in my is Jesus, since he knows even before we speak. No wonder You are always my best friend. You know my thoughts, my weakness and my need.

Please guide me and hear my prayer.

滄海遺珠

2007-05-20T21:19:00.000-07:00

This is such a good song! Though the prime time may have passed, I still have the belief that I will be discovered!

大眾也喜歡珠光寶氣　沒有空完全明白你的美
只得我望見你　關起了心扉　猶如合上貝殼的傳奇
若世間疏忽從未細味　讓那些蠢人庸人嫌棄你
切莫讓人影響了你　信仰你的真理

如滄海深處埋藏著遺珠　　其實你好處個個也不知　
唯獨我先可以　明白上帝構思　於沙礫裡找到璀璨珍珠　
人家冤枉你平凡悶孩子　　但是你心思我不信　
無聊沒意思　沒有人識得欣賞　但天知　誰可以

大概這種非一般的美　慧眼太少旁人未賞識你
因此你極客氣　差點算謙卑　從來沒對愛有所預期
若世間疏忽從未細味　讓那些蠢人庸人忘記你
要是別人都不愛你　有我這邊等你

如滄海深處埋藏著遺珠　　其實你好處個個也不知　
唯獨我先可以　明白上帝構思　於沙礫裡找到璀璨珍珠　
人家冤枉你平凡悶孩子　　但是你心思我不信　
無聊沒意思　沒有人識得欣賞　但天知　誰可以

你是誰你是誰　可有地方發亮
旁人忙著誇獎色相
沒有空管你的修養　惟獨我留下拍掌

如滄海深處埋藏著遺珠　其實你好處個個也不知
唯獨我先可以　明白上帝構思於沙礫裡找到璀璨珍珠
人家冤枉你平凡悶孩子　但是你心思我不信　
無聊沒意思　就算誰都不欣賞　但偏偏　我可以

Just do it?!

2007-05-20T20:53:00.001-07:00

Do you still recall the slogan "Just do it"?

It's been a long time since it was used. However, I guess this is always a good reminder, especially for a person like me who like to analyze so much before taking action.

For a few weeks in a row, I have been asking myself on a Sunday: What am I doing here? Am I spending my time right? Why are you doing all these? Shouldn't you be somewhere else doing something else?

Finally, I sat down, and wrote down all the major questions I have tonight after shower, which are no new stuff: How should my life be? Where should I stay for good? Should I buy a house?

These questions are triggered whenever I saw someone else has achieved a milestone in their life, such as graduation, getting married, etc. Today, I have 3 friends graduating. While I'm happy for them getting their hard work recognized, I started to count back in time. When did they start their study? What have I done during these years? It's always a scary feeling to see everyone else advancing while I'm still not moving. It's true that each one of us has our own path and there's no absolute right / wrong path one should go through. Still...

As time goes, I'm even more confused about this. Have I been moving in the right path? Have I been spending my time right for what I have been doing.

A friend told me: if you are happy for what you are doing, you are doing it right. Another friend told me: why are you thinking so much? Just do it! Take action!

I need wisdom. I need guidance.

Family / Career

2007-05-03T00:21:00.000-07:00

There are too many good talks at work recently!

Today, the author of book "Faminine Mistake: Are we Giving up too much?" came to talk about her book. The choice between family versus career has always been a heated debate, and a lot of my friends face that challenge too. Although I'm far from making that decision, I have thought about it from time to time.

I'm not planning to talk about the viewpoints in the book here. However, I did reflect on my upbringing and how I see the pros and cons.

Both my parents worked ever since I was born, and I was raised by my grandparents when I was small. I was so attached to my grandma when I was in kindergarten that I would cry when she needed to leave me.

After my brother and sister were born, my grandparents' health deteriated. As the eldest child at home, I automatically took up the role of taking care of my siblings, even though I was not even 12 back then. I still recalled heating up dishes myself before school, and I had to bring my brother and sister to school. I had to take up some housework too, such as blooming and wiping the floor. However, I did not recall a single bit of resentment or anger about this. Instead, I was proud of myself and felt that I achieved a lot at my age. Because of all these trainings, it helped me to become a more independent person, and be able to take care of others.

If you ask me if I can choose, do I want my mom to be a full time housewife, I would say that I enjoyed how I was brought up and I don't think they need to change anything. If not for the chances for me to take care of myself and others, I will be a lot inferior as compared to what I'm now (though becoming somehow inferior may not be a bad idea from another perspective). It helped to build up my courage and independence.

At the same time, I think my mom enjoyed her work too. She has made so many friends throughout her career. If she has to stay at home, I can't imagine how she would be now.

I guess by now, my stance is pretty obvious. There could always be the other side of the story, such as a child goes astray due to lack of supervision by his/her parents. However, I guess the key is not whether a woman works / stays at home. The key is how the family is and how the family communicates. I strongly believe that if parents do pass on the right value and act as a role model for the child, and show the love and care for the child, I don't see how the child can go very wrong.

Blessed to all families in the world, since they are very important units in the world!

同一樣的月光,不一樣的心情

2007-04-28T01:39:00.000-07:00

本應週五傍晚BBQ應是件賞心樂事的事, 可是近來心情總是膠著的...

在熱鬧場所, 我最喜愛做的就是當各人都興高彩烈地投入各自的談話時, 我俏俏地獨自離開, 找個辟靜的地方獨處. 今晚也不例外, 亦就在這時, 想起段段公園的往事.

...

今晚是中秋節, 在一起吃完晚飯後, 各人都提著燈籠, 到公園賞月去. 雖然聽起來有點老套, 但這正是我一年之中最高興的日子.

...

時光再倒流, 時間也是晚上, 同樣在公園, 四周也是這樣寂靜, 月也是這樣光光地照, 但人物卻不同, 當時有暖暖的感覺, 今天卻是冷冰冰的, 儘管氣溫是和緩的.

...

望著秋千, 想起大公園, 可是這裡沒有 tum tum 轉, 小時若在十點多能在大公園流連, 真是高興極了.

...

現實總是現實, 就是最美好的回憶也經已過去! 再去找尋下個值得懷念的回憶.

一剎那的光輝

2007-04-19T00:43:00.000-07:00

Human life is too short. While we are still enjoying our life today, we may be gone tomorrow. You will never know who's your next visitor, whether it be illness, accident, or even death.

It sounds kind of sad, but this is so true too.

I can still live happily and healthily today, but nothing is guaranteed. Maybe since I have been hearing too many incidents of sickness recently, and the recent tragic at VTech. It reminds me that "nothing will last forever", including my health, my life, my family and friends, and even our earth!

We have read many times email / passages that talk about "seize the moment", or "live to the fullest", but how many times can we really do it?

One way could possibly to achive this is to imagine that you may not be here anymore tomorrow, and so, catch every moment you have to finish the most important things in your life. If this sounds too sad, just imagine that you will be leaving an area soon, and so you get to make well use of every minute or you will miss out the chance of doing something here.

Procastination is the greatest enemy of "seize the moment".

Every life shines in the world until it loses its brightness at the end. Let's try to keep our light shining, but also remember that it is just a flash in the darkness.

Reunion with Primary School Classmates

2007-03-26T23:49:00.000-07:00

It's really amazing that we can still gather together after so many years! Even though we all have our own lives, it's still the old familiar faces. It brought back the good memories of the old days when we grew up together.

We chatted on many topics, but one thing that I find interesting was the way how we looked back. In my mind, my years in primary school were the golden years, with little pressure and had fun all the time. All I could recall was the time when we played together. I always felt lucky that I joined that primary school, which allowed me to enjoy my childhood, not to mention about the interesting needlework classes that we took.

Obviously, not everyone felt the same way. They reminded me about the homework we need to do, and the exercises we need to take to prepare for the public exam. I still recalled that digusting yellow workbook for Chinese exercise, and the fact that I could memorize the index of the Chinese dictionary because of the frequent lookup of the words. That maybe the reason why I hated Chinese a lot in my secondary school. ;)

I guess one's impression is shaped by one's encounter. Everything in the world comes in relative terms. To me, primary shool was still the best time in my memory, regardless of the amount of work that we did. Nothing can be compared to the amount of time I spent in study during my secondary school years, that I virtually enjoyed very little.

Another interesting aspect was that I found out how stupid I was when I was in Primary school. They were chatting about different classmates on their looks and their background, which I knew almost nothing until now! I'm amazed by how much they could grasp on people. I'm always slow in this. I think I have developed my skill throughout my life, but there is still much more to learn in terms of understanding others and be sensitive to others.

There are not that many friends can keep in touch for such a long time. Thanks God for granting us the friendship. Though it's very old fashion, I still hope that our friendship will last forever.

We all have a dream of gathering more primary school classmates together. See if we can have this dream comes true one day!

Shall we Talk?

2007-03-25T10:38:00.000-07:00

We had our annual Lent retreat yesterday, and the topic was "Christians, what have you done to me?". During a breakout session, we were handed a case study on the topic of "what are you willing to do for your parents who are aging and ill"?

From the sharing, I was surprised to find out the varying level of "urges" to do something for one's parents. To my even greater surprise, the first answer came out was about money and care takers.

There are different reasons for one not able to take care of parents. When you start having your own family, the priority for your original family may be lower. Maybe you need to take care of your kids and hence you will not have time to take care of your parents. To me, I have not experienced either of these yet. However, I still have a strong belief that: one can jiggle well with your own and your original families, if you are willing to.

A strong will can make you to anything - I always say.

I guess the main question comes down to whether you are willing or not, but not much as whether you are able or not. I can see a lot of obstacles to block your will do come from the relationship that you have with your parents. If you think that treating your parents well is just an obligation, there's only so much you can do to keep this relationship.

The key question comes down now to how can we build a good relationship with our parents. A relationship is a 2-way effort, and it can't be established with one side. One may argue that the relationship with parents is shaped largely by parents since they could take a more active role when you were young. I think this holds true to a certain extent. Of course, if you were abused, or had very bad experience with your parents, it will take a long time to heal and recover, and to forgive. Otherwise, we can't deny our role in keeping a good relationship with our parents.

There are so many books to teach new parents to be good parents, maybe we should have some books to teach existing children to be good children. We can share stories with our friends easily, and why can't we share those with our parents as well?

Break the ice - we can all take the initiative. Try to share our life with our parents, and I'm sure they are interested in learning. Accept the way they respond. It's hard for them to change. Even they say something you do not enjoy listening, still listen. Be patient.

Come to think about it, there are already quite some good resources out there to remind us:

http://parentswish.com/site01/big.html
......

明月光　為何未照地堂
孩兒在公司很忙　不需喝湯
SHALL WE TALK　斜陽白趕一趟
沉默令我聽得見葉兒聲聲降
......

日夜做見爸爸剛好想呻
卻霎眼看出他多了皺紋
而他的蒼老感是從來未覺太內疚擔心
最心痛是愛得太遲有些心意不可等某個日子
盲目地發奮忙忙忙其實自私夢中也習慣有壓力要我得志最
可怕是愛需要及時只差一秒心聲都已變歷史
忙極亦放肆見我愛見的相知
要抱要吻要怎麼也好偏要推說等下一次

Act, before it's too late!

Blest are the poor!?

2007-03-24T00:54:00.000-07:00

News is doing a documentary on poor Chinese people that live at the edge of Beijing. I have been to Beijing once and it was such a developed city that I can't imagine there is still a corner in Beijing where people have to carry water for daily use!! This was what I saw in one of the episodes of the original 獅子山下 that was broadcasted in the 70s. That was the time when there were still a lot of squatters in HK and public estates were not that common. So, looks like that part of Beijing is at least 30 years behind.

In spite of the hardship the children are facing, I do see a big difference between the way how they talk as compared to children from well-off families. Extreme poverty induces a big wish of upward striving for the children, that most of them do treasure the opportunity to study as a way of getting out of the poor situation. Children who live comfortably in big house or even in just a better living condition will worry less about that, but focus more on games and leisures.

This is one of the question I kept on debating: should one be rich or poor, if one can choose?

Being in an inadequate state will create motivation for one to strive hard in life, which turns out to be a good thing. For example, I always admire my dad knowing how to cook since he was a kid. That was due to the fact that he has to take care of himself since my grandparents had to work for long hours. One can argue that the kid was poor that he had to take care of himself when he was so young. However, I do see this as opportunity to train oneself.

Another concern of leading a good life is that we know good life may not last forever. If you have been too spoiled, you may lose your ability when hardship comes. For example, if you have been studying in good school and having all the fun classes, it would be a big struck for you if your parents for whatever reason cannot afford you to continue. It's always easier to taste the sweeten after the bitter, but not the reverse.

So, you know my preference.

Pianist

2007-03-23T00:50:00.000-07:00

I missed the shuttle today! Well, no use of crying over spilt milk. So, just stayed somewhere to wait for the next one, which was coming over an hour later.

Wireless technology really makes life a lot easier. You can work wherever you want.

As I was doing random things here and there while waiting, some beautiful melodies came. A piano was moved to that corner recently! The soothing music really changed the mood of the evening. As I was listening, I started to feel like the character in pianist - the magic of music shielding you away from the hustles of the world.

Too bad that I don't know how to play piano. It's a gift to generate relaxing music for others in this busy world. :)

Bike to Work

2007-03-23T00:37:00.000-07:00

Today (3/22) is the Alternative Transportation Day! I finally did bike all the way from home to work today, which is around 11 miles. Wow! :)

It's really good to go in a group, which encourages you to go faster without much stop. However, it's quite tiring too if you are going with a professional group. Most of the bikers are quite advanced, with all biking gears, and I was always the slowest one. The gear was not working properly when we went uphill, and then my seat got moved higher, causing me sometime to start my bike.

Luckily, we all arrived safe. Only that I twisted my left thumb at the beginning since I tried to change gear wrongly and pressed too hard with my thumb. With the seat raised, I felt once too since it was too hgih for me and I hurt my palm (minor one). Hopefully, I will recover soon.

Going back to the simple days - this is exactly what people nowadays are doing. Biking instead of driving. Eating organic / raw material instead of processed food. It's so interesting to look at the "evolution" of human. From the basic need of survival for food, to clothes and shelter, to ownership of cars and houses, to job satisfaction and achievement, and finally back to just the basic: food, clothes and shelter. I guess without going through the steps, we will never realize we only need very little in this world. It would be so good if all human can have the wisdom to realize this before going through all the troubles. Afterall, it wasted a lot of energy by exploiting the world to go through these steps.

我的生存之道

2007-02-26T00:42:00.000-08:00

我有爸媽掛念　事業還望發展
仍能活著　未曾靠諾言
記憶似病發感染　心卻比水善變
再也不相信蜜糖　便信鹽
我怕爸媽掛住　莫被情字拖欠
遺忘昨日　便能記得明天
世間有無數喜宴　情人誰來奉獻
我有膽　總應該會遇見

This song keeps jumping to my head these days. Throughout these years, I think that songs from 楊千嬅 can quite describe what's in my mind. Is it from 楊千嬅, or from 林夕? When can she have a song that gives a happy ending?!